Thoughts from an Admin
Category: Uncategorized

Just my thoughts on this night as I sit here ...

Everybody has friends, be they true or fake.  We collect them, we discard them, we keep the ones worth keeping.   Everybody has enemies, some stalkers, and some haters.  Everyone has their own drama that goes around in their circle of friends. Girlfriends and boyfriends break up and then make up, or end up hating each other and are obsessed with ruining each other’s happiness. Friendships break apart; people take sides with whom they believe is in the right.   Everybody would like to see at least one other somebody get banned from existence, or if only from this Rp site.   I have my fair share of enemies and those who would wish me harm. There are plenty of people I choose to avoid, knowing the drama that surrounds them, but I don’t hate them.  I don’t even know them, only their bad attitudes … or more precisely, their character’s attitude.  Are they like that in the real world?  If I saw them face to face, would I see them in a different perspective?  I think they would be a stranger to me. 


If we were to ban anyone just for the sake of someone else not liking them, then we would be obligated to ban everyone that someone else did not like.  That would result in us banning everyone on the belief that there is probably someone else out there that thinks the other person is stalking or harassing them, and vise versa.   The stalker/harasser might also claim to be the victim of a past offense.  I know many people who have been fighting with each other for many, many years and on many different social platforms simultaneously.   Should we ban someone because 5 years ago in a galaxy far, far away they were being an ass to someone else for no good reason?   We have actually had requests from people to ban another person because many years ago, they did this, or that. It’s mind boggling, actually.  We have had a few requests to ban someone because of an argument on the chat forum Discord.   Yeah … there is a block and delete button, try it.   We do try to be rational.

A true story, I once ran a group on MySpace and some of my members voted out another member for excessive drama.  They demanded that I kick her out of the group, to which I eventually did after much discussion.   Then, 3 months later, they were all best friends again with the exiled one and all happy Rp’ing with each other.  I have learned that People are finicky when it comes to friendship.  Today they love you, tomorrow they’ll hate you, and several months down the road they forget why they hated you.  I know people who have hated on each other for 10 years or more.  It’s just the same old argument and there seems to be no resolution.  I feel sad for these people; someday they will lie on their deathbed obsessively hating someone that they have never met face to face in real life.  I cannot understand the depths of that hate.   I can almost image them, old and wrinkly scowl, pumping a gnarled first in the air and cursing your role-play enemies by the names of their fictional character.  Do they even know their real names?  


Long time ago, I once hated my soul sister.  Well, I loved her and hated her, it was a bitter friendship.  We laughed, we fought, we got on each other last nerve, and we had some amazing story adventures. We were like real sisters in every sense of the meaning.   Yet, I never really got to know the real person behind the character.   Sure, we had plenty of OOC chats and phone calls, but still I did not know her much beyond her character persona.  In my mind’s eye, I saw her as her character and not as a real person.  She recently passed away and I grieved for her loss.  I mention this because each of us all have people who love us, and people who hate us.   We are all in the same proverbial boat.   My enemy might be your friend, or your enemy might be somebody else’s best friend who happens to be my friend.   Agree or disagree, but we are all so tightly interwoven with each other.  We cannot just ban one person without the after-effects being felt by all.   Some people will rejoice and other people will curse our decision.


I try not to be narrow minded about the drama that occurs here.  I try to sympathize with both sides of the conflict.   It’s not about who the good guy is, and who the bad guy is.  It’s about two people that used to be friends, who now do not like each other.  I try not to play favoritism, although I have sadly lost the respect of several friends who had expected me to take their side just because we were friends.  They thought they had clout with me.   Isn’t that what friends do?  Sorry I can’t do that, friend or not.

I want to be impartial and fair.   I want to be non-judgmental and help both sides come to an agreement to disagree peacefully. Most conflicts resolve themselves, and some conflicts will never be resolved in a hundred years.   Yes I am a people watcher.  I see the same patterns of behavior over and over and over again from the same people, over and over and over again.   Nothing really changes.   People are who people are.  That’s just the way they are.    People don't change unless they want to change and nobody else can force them to.  Banning is a temporary fix to a problem that will never go away when hate is the fuel to the fire.  


Here is a quote I often refer to in stressful conflicts …

There are no perfect human beings! Persons can be found who are good, very good indeed, and even great. There do in fact exist creators, seers, sages, saints, shakers, and movers... even if they are uncommon and do not come by the dozen. And yet these very same people can at times be boring, irritating, petulant, selfish, angry, or depressed. To avoid disillusionment with human nature, we must first give up our illusions about it.

~Abraham Maslow~

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